Add it to my list!

So, my friend Mary Rose had her baby. I got to see a picture of the little sweetie; he's adorable. BUT, I haven't finished her present yet. I'm such a slacker. I started it forever ago, like maybe April-ish. Maybe I'll finish it soon.

I also have to finish up classes for my DCF certification, get some tote bags made for school (which starts in 2 1/2 weeks), get my after school care room and paperwork organized, and get some idea of what I'm doing for activities once school starts up. Agh! It's enough to make you want to curl into a ball and stress eat.

My second child will be going into first grade, but we're not sure if he'll be going to the Christian school where I work, or if he'll be going to "Pajama Christian School" (homeschool). My oldest will definitely be going to the Christian school. I don't think I could teach fourth grade for one, and two, I'm positive I couldn't teach him anything. He's at the age where he thinks he knows everything and will correct you even if you're not wrong. You really gotta love them, or they'd be in serious trouble, huh?

Sweet and Creamy, Hot and Steamy

I have a confession to make.

I eat chocolate in the shower.

I know how intensely pathetic that sounds, but I swear I'm not a loser. It started because that's the only regular alone time I get. I also have four little monsters who beg for a bite of whatever I'm eating. So you see where this is going?

I will admit, it takes some skill. Chocolate and water don't mix. It's definitely easier when it's a bite size piece like say, a Dove Milk Chocolate Promise. Although on one particularly bad day, I did eat an entire Snicker's Bar in the shower once.

Yeah, so that's, um, it...

Thanks for lowering your expectations of me.

I found this meme from Stefanie Says on Oh My Seven (where I find a lot of cool stuff, Thanks Brooke!) Anywho, you go to someecards and pick our five cards that describe yourself in "amazingly unflatteringly" ways. So here's mine...

I have an addiction to director's commentaries on DVDs. I'm not ashamed to admit it. I will not return a DVD to netflix until I have watched the commentary. Last week, I got Catch and Release and squealed when I saw that it had TWO commentaries. Oh yes, I watched them both.

I didn't talk much in high school. Even though we had a small class (5 boys and 15 girls), I can think of at least two people I never said more than 8 sentences to. One of whom I even had a group project with. Oy, the grammar in this paragraph is terrible. Oh well.

I have been known to call Hubby two or three times on the way to something for directions. I'm honestly surprised every Christmas when there isn't a navigation system wrapped under the tree. I think he secretly likes being texted during meetings for turn by turn directions for someone who has no knowledge of north, south, east or west.

I am the mother who called Poison Control for her child swallowing a battery. Yes, my second son swallowed a watch battery while I was nursing my daughter. Of course then while I was trying to find out what I needed to do, my daughter was wailing for more, and the guy on the phone thought it would calm me down to make jokes with me. Cut the jokes, Bozo, and tell me if I need to rush my two year old to the ER!
The second one still has trouble putting things in his mouth. Hubby has told him not to lick the car next to ours in the parking lot. I'm astonished he hasn't caught ecoli from something yet.

This was more for Hubby. My mom originally wanted her three daughters to marry men of different ethnicities so she could have grandbabies of different ethnicities (my mother- the UN of grandmothers, folks), but she has since amended her qualifications to men of different professions. My Hubby deals with computers and technology, my brother-in-law went to school to be an electrician, and my other sister hasn't married yet, but I think my mom is hoping for a doctor. Every visit involves fixing something, and we frequently trade date nights for computer work.
Oh yeah, I just recently gave my mom my blog address, so maybe I shouldn't have posted that... oh well.

So do one for yourself and share the link in the comment section. I want to know ALL your dirty little secrets, people!

Uh, puh, wha?

Hubby and I have pretty much the same taste in music, so when he tells me he has a song for me to listen to, I usually like it. Tonight he played me a Weezer song called Miss Sweeney. I like Weezer. The first verse wasn't bad, and then the chorus started.

It's a song about a guy who hits on his secretary! Yeah, thanks dear! It's a good thing he doesn't have a secretary, or we may have had some issues.

But that's not what he looks like!

Thank you, Little Lovables! I hadn't seen the new trailer for Twilight, mostly because they don't play it on Nick Jr. or Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, but I have seen it now! I was a little worried that Edward would look as terrible as he did on the Entertainment Weekly Cover, but he looks much better in the film.

I still have to say that the Edward my very active imagination came up with while I was reading the books is still better looking than Robert Pattinson (who I agree is attractive). I know it sounds crazy, but I've always found some thing that disappoints me while watching a movie after I've read the book. I'm not an elitist, even though I love the whole process of reading; it's just there is always something that is not how I pictured it. Maybe I shouldn't let my imagination run wild, but it's really hard to turn off while reading!

I'm still going to watch the movie and enjoy every minute of it. Possibly more than once.

Oh! Little Lovables has Twilight inspired jewelry up for sale in her Etsy shop. Grab them while you can!

Naptime Adventures, Part drei (aka Dressing for Success)

Shhhh... Monster is currently sleeping, but I have happy news to report. He actually came out of his room to tell me that he pooped in his pull-up instead of taking it off and smearing the contents. The magic clothing combination? Zip-up pajamas on backwards with a shirt and shorts on top. I know that seems like a lot, but the shirt and shorts were his idea. He didn't want to take his clothes off, but I knew that letting him sleep in what he had on would mean finger painting for sure. So we compromised. He's got to be sweating by now. Ah, two year olds...

For those of you that are not caught up with my naptime adventures, read this post and this post.

What's the smallest size this comes in?

Well, we're two for two here in the naptime-poop-smearing department. Which is not only very frustrating because naptime is Mommy time, but it's also getting very tedious. However, my little monster has been bathed more times this weekend than any other weekend since he was newborn.

So I'm considering clothing options. Backwards zip-up pajamas only occasionally work; he laughs while snapping open onesies; even overalls are a ridiculous waste of time. I'm positive that Children's Services would frown on a straight jacket, so that leaves me with one option.

Where can I find a scuba suit for a two year old?

Naptime Festivities Part Deux aka Why padlocks should come with two-year olds.

Exhibit A, your Honor. This poor woman clearly cannot be held responsible for her actions. If your Honor would please take a look at the result of the date in question's naptime, your Honor would without a shadow of a doubt let my client off due to temporary insanity. Yes, this temporary insanity has lasted for approximately two years, but if your Honor would note that prior to her insanity, she was an upstanding citizen with only a few minor traffic tickets to blacken her record.
Exhibit B has been rectified by the in-house electronics cleaner, but had your Honor seen the before (a brand new iPod colored in the very last discontinued lip pencil that my client uses every single day), your Honor would be even more sure that my client absolutely cannot be held responsible for running up and down the street screaming, pulling her hair out, mumbling to herself while huddled in the corner, and spending way too much money at the craft store.
(Also at the scene of the crime was the empty package of gum and crumbled gum wrappers, entire contents of my client's wallet thrown about carelessly, phone with 45 new pictures on it, soiled bedding, and various other misdemeanors.)

Extra points to whoever can guess what part of his body that's a print of and what my two-year old monster used for the all-natural pigment. Oh yes, I did put that picture up. Sorry, Hubby.

Edit: I should add that the padlock mentioned in the title is not meant for the two year-old, just for anything that I hold remotely valuable or that could not hold up to a good scrubbing. The two year-old could pick the padlock no problem.

Notice how it brings out my eyes?

Just one more today because I'm not feeling like getting out of bed.

Did I mention that I dyed my hair Dark Ash Brown (according to L'Oreal)?






Notice how it brings out my eyes? Coincidentally, this is my exact mood right now even though I took this picture a few weeks back.

Also, a laptop makes a decent heating pad if you can play 2 straight hours of Solitaire laying down with it balanced on your tummy.

Tampax should consider a new ad campaign.

I dun a bad, bad thang. Wait, let me blame this on my friend Chelsea. Chelsea dun a bad, bad thang. (That was a slight reference to the Chris Isaak song I happen to be listening to right now. It's right above- listen to it!)

Chelsea gave me her copy of Twilight by Stephenie Meyer to read. I finished all 498 pages (plus the preview for New Moon) in about 8 hours. Mind you, this was not 8 hours straight because I have little monsters running loose, but I was pleasantly impressed with the book's ability to hold my multi-tasking attention. Anyone who has children can vouch for a mother's ability to simultaneously process up to fifteen different thoughts and problems at once. I say fifteen only because I've never met anyone whose had more than fifteen kids; I'm fairly sure there is a woman out there who could top fifteen simultaneous thoughts though.

After I finished the first book, I had the absolute need to run out and purchase the rest of the series. I tend to get obsessed with things easily. I think this is one reason why I haven't really ever gotten drunk. I am almost certain that it would automatically mean AA for me. I'm one of those people that can't just dabble in something interesting to them. I'm a "whole hog" kind of a gal.

Anyway, I took the monsters to Books-a-Million the next day (four monsters in a book store should prove my compelling need adequately), and purchased the first three books in the series. I had to buy the first one even though I'd already read it, because you have to have them all in case you want to read the series again. Oh, and I have. That day I finished the other two (we're talking 800 some-odd pages), and would have started the series again, but it was so very close to dawn, and I needed some sort of beauty sleep or I would start to look like the Cullen family myself. The second time through the series started after I slept a few hours and fed the monsters their breakfast.

I can't believe that I didn't pick up this series earlier. I had heard about Edward and Bella, but I was only slightly interested in the movie. I think the book's sheer size was what deterred me from picking it up, but it really is an easy read. Not once during the first read through did I think about skipping pages.

So here is my question for those of you that have read the books. Does Bella have to avoid Jasper during her period, or would a tampon be enough of a deterrent? I only ask because the book never mentions anything about this, but Bella clearly seems to be suffering from PMS the entire time. It would be helpful to know should I encounter a real-life vampire, as well. I can see it now... Tampax, we deter vampire attacks! And that, dear people, is a scary look into my thought process. Aren't you glad you made it to the end of this post?

All is right in Bookmark Land.

My laptop is fixed. I have my bookmarks back. That is all.

For info on why it broke, check this post.

Snug as a bug!

I had to share pictures of Miss Carli. You might recognize the blanket from a previous post. Miss Carli was born on June 11th, and she is just the most precious thing I've seen in a while. She looks just like her daddy, Forrest, whom Hubby and I have known for quite a few years. Her mom, Allison, has a blog detailing her pregnancy. She also reviews products that every mom should have. Enjoy the pictures; I know I did! Thanks for sending them my way!

I like my men in clean white coats.

Let me tell you about my Saturday... I'm going to warn you right now, it was rough.

The morning started with my two older boys throwing up in the living room. Why can't children stay in bed if they are feeling sick? They always seem to throw up in exactly the same spot, too. Hubby cleaned up the first one (which happened to be in "his chair"). I cleaned up the second one which was on the carpet right in the middle of the living room.

Somewhere in the vomiting chaos, my two-year old monster decided to take my laptop, cell phone, and two iPods (Hubby got me a new Nano, and I was playing with them both before bed.) to his room with the bottle of cleaner that I was using to scrub the floor. Mind you this was all before my breakfast caffeine, and I was busily scrubbing, completely unaware that he sneaked off with all this. Yes, it's coming. He sprayed them all with Pinesol.

My poor laptop never had a chance. My iPods were protected by their silicon cases. My cell phone was next in line for the disinfecting when I caught him.

I had to get out of the house. My nerves were already frayed from a rainy Friday spent cooped up with the kids, and I wasn't mentally prepared for all of that before breakfast. I scooped up my pine-scented wet electronics, and dropped them on the bed next to groggy Hubby. "I think it's dead. He killed it, and I have to leave, now." I quickly changed out of my vomit-scented pajamas and grabbed my purse. We have a Saturday tradition of Dunkin' Donuts, so that's where I went.

Upon my return, I fully admit to sitting in the driveway a few minutes to eat some of my bagel and drink some coffee. I couldn't sit for too long because I didn't have any good music to listen to, and my monster (who was banned to his room with a swat on the leg for his actions) had seen me and was standing up on his window sill yelling, because he knew I had donuts.

When I finally went inside, Hubby had my laptop in pieces on the kitchen table, drying it off with a hair dryer. The non-vomiting family members sat down and ate breakfast. Sometime in the chaos, I had texted my friend begging to go see a movie before I went totally looney, and she responded to finalize plans.

I was nice to Hubby and planned to get the church bulliten board done and go to the movies after two of the four kiddies were in bed. I still had to print up the picture for the bulliten board and assemble it before then anyway. Hubby spent some time finding a good picture while I went to WalMart to get an upolstery cleaner (remember the vomit chair?); I also had to get ink and photo paper. Hubby also fixed lunch while I was gone, and once again those not vomiting sat and ate cucumber and tomato salad for lunch.

I was cleaning up the lunch mess while Hubby started printing out the picture. In the middle of clearing the table, Hubby called me into the bedroom to look at what he was printing. I swear to you, I was only in there for 45 seconds. When I came out, Monster was sitting on the counter throwing salad into the air with the salad tongs. It just keeps getting better and better.

I snatched him down, swatted his leg and set him in the shower fully clothed. He had greasy arms and feta cheese in his hair. I asked Hubby if he wanted to clean the child (who had also pooped in his pants) or the kitchen, and he chose the kitchen without first surveying the damage. Let's just say that my leftover Pepsi from lunch was also involved. Half way through, I did offer to switch, but I couldn't really understand his mumbling, so I thought it was best to finish my half without bothering him anymore.

I didn't really want to let Monster take a nap, because he's old enough for napping to affect his bedtime, and I REALLY needed for him to go to sleep on time. So, I put in a movie he liked and gave him a blanket and a spot on the couch. He didn't stay there for long, and was "helping" me assemble the poster-sized Earth that I was hanging on the bulliten board. After almost an hour, I finally got the thing perfectly assembled, glued and trimmed, but I ran out of tape to re-inforce the seams. I checked Monster; I am positive that he was so busy watching his movie that he didn't notice me walk into my bedroom to get the roll of tape out of my desk drawer, but no. I came back out to him smearing purple gluestick on my hard work. I believe that I let out a half shriek, half soul wrenching wail, because he dropped the glue stick and took off. Fortunately it was on the back, and didn't affect the visible front. I don't remember much after that, but I believe Hubby took him back to his room and swatted his hand or leg or something.

I immediately took my poor Earth to safety in my locked van. I needed a long, hot shower after that. Of course, Monster fell asleep during his time served in solitary.

I know this is a long post, but I had to share it all. I think it's important that you all understand why, one of these days, I'm going to take a vacation with the nice men in white coats. I do love my children; I just need to be reminded of it from time to time.

Oh, and I finished the bulliten board, had a cup of coffee, and saw Sex and the City with my friend. The day definitely didn't end how it started.

I'm such a Phyllis

Last night, I went grocery shopping. Four kids on one full-time salary means Super Walmart. It's an evil company, I know, but we all have to eat.

Anywho, I bought this really cute summer dress that I fully intended to use as a cover-up while walking to the pool that is one block over. It's a sleeveless horizontally-striped shift dress that almost hits my knees. I love the plum and gray color combination, but it's not really suitable for public wear unless you're 75 with pink foam curlers in your hair.

Well, it's raining today. I got out of the shower and thought, "Well, I won't actually be leaving the house, so I guess it wouldn't matter if I wore my bathing suit cover-up all day. It's really comfortable, and I'm still not feeling that great. I'll do something with my hair so it looks like I planned to look this way."

Yeah, I had the best intentions. I'm still wearing my glasses (no contacts with itchy allergy eyes); my wet hair is sort of in a ponytail; and I don't remember putting lotion on. (Scented lotion always makes me feel dressed.) I'm a bum. I should just change my name to Phyllis, give up on trying to act my age, and surrender to the call of the house dress.

I should probably make an effort before Hubby gets home.

Yay! New toy!

I got a new Twitter toy! It's called TwitterFone, and it lets you record short messages. It magically transcribes your messages into tweets, AND leaves a url for you to click on to hear the actual message, too! This is going to be a problem for me. This frees up my hands for tweeting. I am envisioning many tweets from behind the wheel of my MommyCab. I am a terribly slow text-er, so this means I can tweet quickly before the light changes. You may even get to hear my lovely children screaming at each other in the background. Check out this link for my first ever TwitterFone message. Get yourself one, too!

Um, cut and paste?

One more quickie!
I just stumbled across this artist on digg, and I had to share his work with you. I'm a huge fan of knowledge acquisition (big word of the day) in any way, but there is something magical about books. I'm not just talking about the actual words on the pages, but the whole thing. I love books in any form, especially when they've been made as beautiful as the words they contain.
Brian Dettmer does some really amazing things with old books and maps. Please check out his collection at the Aron Packer Gallery.

Fun with monsters!

I went last night. My mom was going to be sitting at home, so I called her up. I wasn't really sure if she would enjoy herself, but then I remembered that Rob usually plays some older stuff, too. She said she had fun, you never can tell with moms though. She did sing along with some of the songs.

The monsters and I had fun. It rained for a little bit, but there wasn't any lightning or thunder. The Audience played a few sets, and they had a film of fireworks that you could watch through prism glasses. The glasses were giving me a headache, so I just watched it without them. I know you're thinking, "How lame is a FILM of fireworks?" It was right outside City Hall (clean bathrooms!), and the park is filled with great big trees (shade!). I'm pretty sure the Fire Marshall would never approve that idea. My kids are still afraid of fireworks anyway, so it was perfect for us.

I took some pictures of the kids with my phone. It's no iPhone, but you can tell they were having fun. I'm surprised the shots turned out so good; my little monsters were moving around quite a bit.

I'm not sure what my princess is doing here. She wasn't dirty dancing, I swear. I think this was mid-ballerina spin. Oh, and hey, you can kinda see the band if you squint real hard.

This one is hard to see, I sorry, but I had to show y'all how my little monster was wearing his glasses. I don't really think he could see anything, but he didn't seem to care.


Edit: I think I got the pictures working now. Blogger sometimes decides not to co-operate with me.

Stupid Poopie Head

I had to share a conversation between my two year old son and a little girl (about 3 or 4). I took them to the mall for lunch and time to play in the kid's play area. He was jumping off of a car meant for climbing, and she decided it looked like fun and started climbing up and jumping off of there with him. She was getting impatient and was gently pushing him off so she could have her turn faster. He was getting annoyed, and that's where we join our story...

"Stop it, stupid poopie head." Yes he has older brothers. It actually sounds more like "Stoppey, stoopey, poopey heah."

"Shut up, I'm not a stupid poopie head, boy."

And without missing a beat, "Shup up, I not a boy, stoopey poopey heah." How can you argue with a comeback like that?

How not to have fun with two kids in tow...

I'm upset. Rob is doing another show Thursday not even 7 minutes from my house, and I won't be going. I know it's 7 minutes because the kids' pediatrician is in the plaza next door, and I have a tendency to get everywhere just a tad late. Four kids, okay? So you have any idea how long it takes to make sure 8 shoes are tied and 4 faces are clean and 4 shirts aren't stained? Back to my upseted-ness. New word!

Hubby won't be in town, and I refuse to be the crazy woman who shows up at her husband's friend's shows with kids in tow while he's out of town. Plus I just don't think I'd enjoy myself alone much what with my monsters and the crowds and all. I tried to get a friend to go, but everyone is either out of town or busy.

Please go if you can, and enjoy it. Who knows, I may just show up. With two kids in tow...