Sunday, November 9, 2008

Uh, duh Mom! Do you see a doggy here?

He wants "wed." My poor, little, sick Monster wants "wed." Only his Mommy (maybe his Daddy) would know that he means Gatorade. He knows that when your tummy hurts, you get Gatorade, but he doesn't remember what it's called, so he asks for "red."

I think I may have to add another language to my resume. Not only do I speak English and ASL, but I also speak monster.

I'm still learning, though. Earlier this week, he told our Pastor that he didn't have a Daddy anymore. I could've sworn that's what he said. Pastor Scott and I laughed and asked him to repeat himself, which he did, in a very condescending tone. Turns out he was commenting on the fact that Pastor Scott left his doggy at home. Of course, he acted like we were idiots because we didn't notice the missing dog.

I figure by the time I learn to speak it fluently, he will have grown out of it. I have to admit, that makes me a little sad.

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Saturday, November 8, 2008

Check out the fancy attachments on this vacuum!

I wanted to post something witty and poignant, but I am neither witty nor poignant today. Today I am withered and poopy, so you get withered and poopy.

My two year-old monster is driving me insane! He has been the toughest child of the four, and although I have not been spoiling him, he is spoiled. Is it possible to subconsciously spoil?

He does not stop. Ever. I cannot leave him unattended for even a minute's time. And having three other children makes that nearly impossible. I feel the need to lash him to my leg, but I know how the authorities feel about tying children to things and other people. So I don't because I really do love him, and would rather he didn't spend time in foster homes.

He is not distracted by anything. There is no magic toy, t.v. program, or DVD that holds his attention for more than five minutes.

I do not give him copious amounts of sugar. He gets a treat (cookies, a piece of candy, etc) once a day. I've even cut back on the juice severely. He drinks water if he's not getting his soy milk. Where in the world does he get his energy?

He sucks it from me telepathically. That has to be it. It's the only reasonable option that would explain my lack of energy and his over-abundance of it. Great, not only do I have a over-active two year-old, but he's a telepathic energy vacuum, too. How much longer until I can kick him out of the house? Sixteen years? Lord, help me, please.

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Thursday, November 6, 2008

Jenny taught me how to climb. And I taught her how to dangle.

I've got a yummy, yummy secret to share. Well if I share it, it isn't a secret anymore, is it? Whatever, I have to share this recipe from my friend Jenny, she also sent me that video.

Nutella Pie!
*1 graham cracker crust
*1 box of Devil's food instant pudding
*1 tub of Cool Whip
*1 1/2 c milk
*1 Hershey's chocolate bar (for topping, optional)

-Spread the entire crust (sides and bottom) with Nutella.
-In a med. bowl, mix pudding, 1 1/2 c milk, 1/2 tub of cool whip. Mix well. Pour into crust. Let chill in fridge for 30 min.
-Take out and add remaining (1/2 tub) of cool whip.
-With a cheese grater, put shavings of chocolate bar all over top of cool whip! YUMMO!
-Let chill in fridge for a few hours before eating (or else it will fall apart)!

She made one on Sunday and saved me a piece. She had to fight off the hungry menfolk, but she succeeded! Thank you, Jenny!

So yeah, if you haven't tried Nutella yet, it's a chocolate hazelnut spread that is thick like peanut butter. It's good on crepes, pancakes, toast, banana bread, waffles, graham crackers, and scooped out with your finger. Yum, yum, yum...

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Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Oh, you said "tied"! Well, that changes things...

I am only going to use the "P" word once in this post, I promise. And only to say that I will not discuss politics because I'm sure you could use a break. There, that's done.

So... Today I got a little gift in the mail. It made me chuckle; it even made Hubby chuckle. I got a little gift from the hospital where I had my tubes tied. For those of you that don't know what that means, I'm talking about tubal ligation; google it. So why was I laughing about the gift? See for yourself.

Apparently Florida Hospital isn't completely confident in their doctor's abilities.

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Monday, November 3, 2008

So what's wrong with her? We still think the temporal lobe.

I've been up since 4 am with the monsters. In their defense, they all have stuffy noses, and the time change is always tough on them (and me). That still did not prevent me from going into Exorcist mode this morning. You know what I'm talking about. Don't pretend you've never gotten so frustrated your head starts spinning around and your eyes glow green.

Anyway, I had a dear, sweet friend (thanks Jenny!) send me this yesterday and I thought I would share with everyone. This morning, I definitely needed a good laugh at how absurd parenthood could be, and this video delivered. Bookmark it for your next Exorcist day, you'll be glad you did.

Oh, and you get extra brownie points if you can guess where I got the title of my post.

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Sunday, November 2, 2008

Happy, happy, joy, joy!

Congratulations to Nad and Dee!

Nad has won the Chex Mix Basket giveaway, and Dee has won the Pillsbury Savorings Gift Set giveaway.

Please check back because I have more great giveaways planned!

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Monday, October 27, 2008

It's here!!!!

I got something wonderful in the mail today!!! Diane had a giveaway on her blog for the adorable print Elf Sisters, and I won! And I got it today! I celebrated by doing a happy dance in the kitchen and ignoring Hubby's "she's finally lost it" look. I don't have it in a frame yet, but it will be framed soon. I really don't want to give it away, but my older sister's birthday is in November, and it reminded me of the fashion shows we used to put on when we were little. Ugh, sisterly love or pure selfishness... I have a couple weeks to decide.

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It's another Bloggy Giveaway!

Edit: This giveaway has been closed. Check back for more contests!

I was going to wait to post this on Sunday because I already had something to give away for the Carnival, but you can never have too much free stuff, huh?

So here we go! I've got THREE Chex Mix Bar gift baskets. That's right THREE! If you haven't tried the Chex Mix Bars, you seriously need to go out and buy every box you can get your hands on. They are SO good! I know from experience because I just ate one. They have Chex cereal pieces, nuts, pretzels, chocolate, and the entire bar is drenched in caramel. My fingers are sticking to the keyboard just a little.

The best part? They only have 150 calories per bar, and each bar has at least 8 grams of whole grain. If you consider that we should eat 48 grams a day, eating the whole box doesn't seem so bad does it? Oh, don't pretend like you don't have those days. It's only six bars. Come that time of the month, a rough Monday, eating six of these gooey, salty but sweet, yum bars will be a piece of cake! I gotta stop talking about them before I eat another one. Really, they're like healthy candy bars; another one won't hurt. Hold on...

Okay, so look at the gift basket while I finish chewing.

Now I need some milk. Anyway, not only will you get a whole box of the yummy bars, you get some chocolate scented candles, caramel lotion (which smells so good that they had to put a warning not to eat it on the bottle), and a bunch of spa accessories. I know the pictures kind of small, but we are talking full size stuff here, people, and I've got THREE to give away!

To enter the drawing for one of the three baskets, just leave me a comment with the last time you were able to really pamper yourself and what you did. Make sure you leave a way for me to contact you if you win! The drawing will be on Saturday 11/1 at 8pm EST.

Be sure to visit my other giveaways here, and to see all the other goodies being offered, go to the Bloggy Giveaways Carnival site.

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Sunday, October 26, 2008

Free stuff on Sundays!!!

Edit: This giveaway has been closed. Check back for more contests!

Let me just start by saying that a half full bottle of neon blue food dye will cover the entire bottom half of a 35 pound four year-old quite nicely. Maybe you'll get pictures before it fades. Maybe.

Okay, so here's the giveaway for this week! Pillsbury has a new frozen pastry bite called Savorings. They're pretty darn tasty! I tried the mozzarella and pepperoni flavor today, and even though they are perfect accompaniment for a glass of wine, they went pretty good with a Sunday afternoon football game, too.

I was a little disappointed because the flavor I really wanted to try (cheese and spinach) was sold out at my local superstore, so it was either the mozzarella and pepperoni or buffalo style chicken. It was too hard to decide, so I closed my eyes and pointed. Oh yeah, I'm scientific like that.

After I tasted the mozzarella and pepperoni Savorings, I quickly got over my dissapointment. Pillsbury knows what they're doing. The outside pastry stayed light and crispy even though the filling was deliciously oozy. Yum!

This is an awesome set! You'll get a corkscrew, a really nice wine stopper, a set of wine glass charms, a booklet on pairing wines, one of those noshing plates with a slot for your stemware, and a great gift bag with tag! Oh, and a coupon to try the Savorings of your choice for free! Even if you're not a big wine drinker, this would make a great hostess gift for those holiday parties coming up soon. Pair it with a great bottle of wine and you'll be sure to get invited back over and over!

If you want to be included in the drawing, which will be held on Saturday, November 1st at 8pm EST, just leave me a comment about who you would love to have at your next get together and why. It could be anyone, dead or alive, famous or not. Don't forget to leave a way for me to contact you in case you win, too. Good luck!

I've got more giveaways for the Carnival here, and to check out some other great giveaways, visit the Bloggy Giveaways site!

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Saturday, October 25, 2008

Ladies and Gentlemans, we have a winner!

Congratulations to Tracey over at just another mommy blog! She's won the gift set from Yoplait! Check back on Sundays for your chance to win some great prizes.

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Friday, October 24, 2008

And the First Annual Shovelball Champion is...

My kids play this game I like to call shovelball. It involves plastic beach shovels, a foam ball, and let's just say that my plug-in air fresheners rarely survive. They stand a few feet apart from each other and hit the ball back and forth with the plastic shovels. It's something similar to cricket in its swinging style, but there's usually a child running back and forth between them trying to catch the ball like monkey in the middle. Come to think of it, the middle position may have been created because we only have two shovels and there are usually three children trying to play. And you can't forget the screaming. Oh, the screaming is the best/worst part depending on whether or not you're participating in the game.

The game usually starts in the kitchen (where many appliances and breakables live), but I herd them into the hallway where the doomed air freshener awaits. If I'm fortunate someone will leave a pair of dirty socks and/or shoes in exactly the right spot to cushion the glass as it hits the ceramic tile. This was the case today. I knew there was a reason I don't pick up throughout the day.

I thought you might enjoy an action shot of my two-year old monster, so here you go. Notice the precarious position of my air freshener.

Oh, and don't forget to enter the giveaway for an insulated lunchbox, children's game, and yogurt!

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Wednesday, October 15, 2008

I am so gonna give away a prize, like now!

EDIT- This giveaway is over, but check back on Sunday for another great giveaway!

My kids love yogurt, I love giving them yogurt, and I REALLY love that Yoplait has a kids yogurt that has 25% less sugar than the other guys. And face it, do children really need any more sugar? (My little monsters know who slips them candy without Mommy knowing, and they also know how to hide the wrappers. Thanks, Mom!)
They really don't care so much about the 25% less sugar as much as the fact that Dora and Boots are on the packaging. Oh yes, you heard me right, Dora and Boots are on the packaging!

But seriously, you can't even tell that Yoplait has left out some of the sugar, because it's still yummy yogurt. Yes, I confess I ate one, too. I also made a smoothie with sliced banana, some milk, and one portion of the strawberry flavored yogurt. Whiz it up in a blender, and you've got a much cheaper version of a smoothie store health shake.

Yoplait also did something really smart and made the yogurt thick enough that it won't slide off the spoon when a certain two year-old monster feeds himself. I love you, Yoplait! More importantly, the grout between the tiles on my dining room floor loves you. Now if I could only convince Cheetos to make colorless doodles that taste the same... No, my furniture did not start out orange.

Anyway, I have a great prize for one lucky reader! Leave me a message with your child's (or your) favorite yogurt flavor (my kids love the strawberry banana), and I'll add you to the hat. Saturday (10/25) at 8pm, I'll draw someone at random, and they will win an insulated cooler to keep yogurt cool on the go, a Brain Quest card set for two to three year-olds, and a coupon for free Yoplait kid's yogurt! How awesome is that? You know you want it, so leave me a message, just make sure you leave a way for me to contact you if you win.

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Move over Carrie Underwood!

My princess had a solo in church on Sunday. I'm so proud I had to post it here. She's only four years-old, but she sang clearly and stayed on key. Just as a side note, she had on fancy socks (that took me 20 minutes to find), but decided to remove them in her classroom right before she went on stage, and I didn't notice until it was too late. I try, people, I try.

Her solo is in the second song if you would like to skip ahead.

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Bloody rat, anyone?

I have been redeemed!!!! In many ways really, but I'm talking about my bleeding Elmo cake disaster. I made a rat cake for a friend's birthday (he's an exterminator so it makes more sense than you would think). He wanted it to look bloody when you cut it, and I thought this was the perfect chance to retry the bleeding cake. I used pound cake and less blood, so I was confident it would work. It did! I even took a video of it being cut (no sound sorry), so you could get the full experience.


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Monday, October 6, 2008

That's it! Go sit on the porch!

Oy, it's been a while. I'm sorry- I know you people out in the interwebs are just chomping at the bit wondering if I've fallen off the edge of the world. I'm still alive!

This home school thing is harder than I hoped it would be. Not that I can't handle the first grade work, I just can't handle my whiny child. He hasn't figured out that the sooner he starts it, the faster he's done. He's allowed to watch tv after he finishes everything, but he insists on dragging his feet and whining the whole time. And when I say whining, I mean WHINING! He makes this high pitched, nasal "uuuhhhhhh" noise that reminds me of newborn puppies. It's not something I enjoy. We've been known to make him sit on the porch until he stops.

So, yeah, that's my rant for the day. In other news, we may be getting a Youth Pastor for our youth group! Hooray! Hubby and I will still be helping out, but someone else will be in charge of planning activities and giving devotionals. I'll probably still be picking games, but that's fine.

I still haven't finished those two baby blankets, but it's in the eighties outside, so I have time. I'm not procrastinating; I just don't have time. Well, maybe procrastinating just a little... What's new, huh?

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Thursday, September 25, 2008

Stuff a sock in it, teacher lady!

Just a quick post to share about my first grader's DVD teacher. I'm actually cutting into his class time right now, because he uses my laptop to play the DVD's at his desk. I'm going into withdrawal.

Anyway, Miss (name has been withheld) is his aBeka teacher. We're using aBeka because that is the curriculum that he used last year and that his former classmates will be using this year. We wanted to keep him current in case some money falls into our lap, and we can afford the private school tuition.

She is something else. She has the typical big bangs and bad spiral perm of the eighties, so I'm imagining the DVD is quite old. Really though, has phonics changed over the past twenty years? She speaks like you would expect a pre-school teacher to speak to her students. Everything is perfectly enunciated, and her facial expressions are so exaggerated she reminds me of a cartoon.

I actually went to the college that produces the aBeka curriculum (I didn't last very long), so I can tell you that they teach all their education students the same way. I've never understood the value of treating children like they couldn't understand normal words. Children learn best when they figure things out for themselves, and they are not ever going to learn what a word means if you only speak to them in two syllable words.

So she gets on my nerves, and I'm expecting my six year-old to start talking to me like I'm an idiot. We'll see how this goes. I'm really afraid he'll get bored and lose his understanding of sarcasm. That would be a disaster in our family.

On another note, our tenth anniversary is coming up, so Hubby and I have a special date in the works. I wonder what he would do if I started speaking to him like the DVD teacher? Oh that could be fun...

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Monday, September 22, 2008

Free the leash kids!

I know, I know it's been a while. I have life as my excuse. I have two baby blankets to finish before it gets cold; I'm homeschooling my six year-old monster; I'm still working part-time at my nine year-old monster's school; and well, my house does need some attention. So there's that.

For those of you that pay attention, the PKD walk on Saturday was a great success. They raised over ten thousand dollars, and Team Donna alone raised about fifteen hundred. All my monsters walked with their Nonna even though only Ryder raised money. He raised a hundred dollars.

You may notice the leash on my youngest. Yes, it is necessary. He will take off running, and in crowds that makes me nervous. Say what you want about putting kids on a leash, but if my options are having a child on a leash or having a child hit by a car or lost in the crowd, my choice is a no-brainer. He doesn't wear it everyday, only when we are outdoors in crowds. We actually have two, that's how important it is to his safety and Mommy's sanity. The other one is a little bear backpack, way more adorable but also way more hot. (Also, he wears more orange than any of my other children put together, pretty much for the same reasons.)

There's my update. Once we get settled into the homeschooling routine, I will share my feelings about the teacher on the DVDs. Oh, it's gonna be a good post, too! She's, um, special. Special like "what is wrong with her?" special.

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Thursday, September 11, 2008

I'm Peachy Keen, Jelly Bean!

I'm all about the birthday cake... any excuse for cake, really. And last night I made another cake for youth group, this one for Andrew's birthday. Andrew is, well, a very excitable young man. He is one of the reasons why I leave youth group with tears in my eyes from laughing so hard.

I decided against attempting the Bleeding Elmo cake again. I just need more time to perfect my techniques. Instead I came up with a totally acceptable substitute. Andrew likes Peachie-O's; they're those gummy peach-flavored rings. I took two angel food cakes and split them horizontally, iced them accordingly, sprinkled sugar on them, and wrote a message on top. I think it turned out perfectly, and Andrew was pleased (as you can probably tell from the picture Laura took).

I will eventually conquer the Bleeding Elmo, but not just yet. Because I have three more cakes to make in two months time, it will happen soon, just you wait and see...

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Tuesday, September 9, 2008

My child needs help, more than one kind, too.

My oldest son, Ryder (yes I got his name off the side of a moving van- you should not give in to your pregnancy hormones every time) is joining his grandma in The Walk for PKD. He is raising money to help find a cure so that his Nonna has a fighting chance.

Polycystic Kidney Disease is a genetic disease, so Ryder is raising money to find a cure for a disease that he, his siblings, and his daddy may have. Please help if you can. All donations are tax deductible and every little bit helps. For more information and a safe way to donate please go to his website.

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Tuesday, September 2, 2008

No whimsical title for this one, sorry. Part 2!

Here's the second part of the short story I posted here. Same as always, if you like it, let me know, and please give credit where credit is due.

#37 Part 2

“Where are we going?” she asked while slipping her hand in mine. The look in her eyes told me exactly where she wanted to go.

“You’ll see when we get there.” It wasn’t too far of a walk; we would be there soon enough.

She turned her head so she could see my face, “Do you enjoy being mysterious? Is this how you get girls to follow you into dark alleys?”

My heart jumped. It was too early for her to get scared, “Would you follow me into a dark alley?”

“I can think of worse things to do.” She grinned up at me. I wondered if what she was thinking the same thing I was. Probably not.

“Like what?” I held my breath waiting for an answer. Could she tell that my steps got just a little quicker?

“Like not following you.” She slipped her arm around my waist and rested her head on my shoulder. She was starting to stumble, excellent.

I stopped outside my building. “Your friend’s right, I’m probably not the best person to put your trust in.”

“Who said I trusted you?” She looked up at the old stone fa├žade. “Besides, what’s the worst thing that could happen?” If she only knew.

We were so close that my heart sped up. “I don’t know. It’s still early.” I opened the door and motioned her in, “Come on, up these stairs.”

“Are you gonna tell me where we’re going?” She stepped inside the building first, but let me take her hand and lead her up the stairs.

It was hard not to break out into a run, but I managed. “We’re not there yet. Almost, but not yet.” I stopped at the top of the landing and stuck my key into the heavy metal door. There wasn’t much that I left when I remodeled my loft, but the door seemed appropriate so it stayed.

“Is this your place?” She looked at the door oddly. I did get a lot of comments about the dungeon-like quality of my front door.

“You’re full of questions tonight aren’t you?” I twisted the key and turned to face her.

“It must be the writer in me.”

“Yup this is my place,” I answered her question, “But, you don’t have to come inside if you don’t want to.” I always liked to give them one last chance to back out.

“Is there a reason why I shouldn’t come inside?” She laughed softly, “You got something in there I shouldn’t see?”

“Maybe, I can’t promise you’ll like what you see in here, but I can promise you’ll leave in one piece.” I smiled, hoping she wouldn’t catch on yet.

She didn’t, “And you told me that you weren’t a person I could trust.” She playfully poked my side.

“Okay,” I opened the door and stepped aside, “Inside, let’s go.” She paused right inside the door. I took her purse and set it down on the small table next to us. This was one of my favorite parts, when they saw my studio for the first time.

She immediately started examining all the paintings hung along the walls. “Wow, are all these your paintings?”

“Yup, every single one.” I watched her face carefully for any sign of reaction. So far all I saw was admiration.

“How often do you paint?” She stopped right in front of my latest piece still on the easel. I called it ‘#36’.

“It comes and goes. I get really inspired and paint three or four in a week, and then do nothing for a while.” Standing beside her, I reached up and touched the canvas, surprised at the tingling in my fingertips.

“How long has it been since your last piece?” She traced the muscles in my raised forearm with her finger again. “Is this it?”

“Yeah, this one was finished about ten days ago.” I was waiting for my favorite part. I stared at her expectantly.

“These are mostly women. What inspires you?” She started moving again, following the wall around the room.

I caught up to her and stepped in front of her so I could see her face. “They’re all women. I guess women inspire me.” Any minute now, the smart ones always caught on faster.

“Where do you find all your models?” It was starting to sink in, her smile faded. “Some of these paintings are kind of morbid.”

I was walking backwards as she started moving again, this time a little faster. “Bars mostly, but I found this one in the park.” I pointed at the painting closest to us. The subject of #15 looked a lot like her; I couldn’t help but smile at the memory of that day. Blondes are always more fun.

She turned away from her twin, “So are they named after the women you paint?” Her voice was lower now, almost a whisper.

“No, I just number my work. It makes it easier to stay detached.” I kept my gaze even though my pulse was racing. “That one’s #33.” I pointed to a painting of a brunette with dark bruises around her neck.

It was starting, she was a lot smarter than I gave her credit for, “And are they all so, uh, lifeless?” Her voice cracked.

“Still life, remember?” I took her hand gently, ”but mostly, it’s just however the mood strikes me.”

She yanked her hand away. “Yeah, so, uh, why did you bring me here?” Looking up at me with wild eyes, she had an edge in her voice that was unmistakable, “Is the mood striking you right now?”

This was it, my favorite part. I loved that wild look, the complete fear. “You could say that.” I stepped in closer and leaned to whisper in her ear, “Would you like me to paint you?” She didn’t move; she looked afraid to even breathe.

“I don’t know. Um, will it take long?” I could see her mind racing. She was already coming up with excuses to leave. “I have a hard time holding still.” She took a quick step toward the door, but I extended my arm until my fingers touched the wall, blocking her path.

“Don’t worry,” I put my other arm out behind her, trapping her where she stood, “After I’m done, you won’t have any trouble holding still.” I lowered my head, burying my face in her hair. Her scent was almost enough to knock me over.

She spun around and pressed her back against the wall, “Really? And, uh, how are you going to accomplish that exactly?” Her voice was barely audible, and her eyes were wide with fear. I couldn’t help but grin just a little.

“I have my ways.” I leaned over even further until my nose was inches from hers. “I haven’t had a model move yet.”

She pushed against my chest, bracing herself against the wall. “Huh, you know, I’m thinking now wouldn’t be the best time for this. I’ve, uh, got a piece due tomorrow that still needs polishing. Yeah, I should go now. My friend wanted me to call her soon anyway.” She was grasping at straws now. If I could draw this moment out forever, I would.

My hands left the wall and wrapped around her wrists. I pinned them to her sides ignoring her struggles. “No, I think now would be the perfect time.” I stepped close enough to her that my body pressed her to the wall. “Yes, the mood is definitely striking. I know you’ll like what’s on my mind. They all do.” I tilted my head to whisper in her ear, “You shouldn’t have worn that dress.”

“Still, I think I’m gonna leave now.” She tried pulling her arms free, but couldn’t. She swallowed hard, “One piece, remember you promised me I’d leave in one piece.”

“Yeah,” I chuckled, “I did promise you’d leave in one piece, but I didn’t say if that piece would still be breathing.”

So there it is! What didya think?

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Sunday, August 31, 2008

No whimsical title for this one, sorry.

School started, and I've been busy. I did write another short story, but this one is a tad longer, so I'm splitting it up. It's also a tad different from the last one. I was listening to Stone Temple Pilots while writing it. If you like it, let me know, but please give credit where credit is due. Enjoy!

#37 Part 1

The bar was dark, but I still didn’t have any trouble spotting her. She was leaning against a high table with her back to the door; it was an excellent view. Her pale blond hair caught the dim lights and reflected it like a mirror. She was alone and talking on her cell phone. I was a little annoyed. She was supposed to bring that friend she had with her last night. The red head wasn’t really my type, but I’ve never done two girls at once, and the thought really interested me.

“Yeah, I know, I probably shouldn’t have come alone, but… Yeah, it’s the same guy we saw last night… Hey, you even said you thought he was hot… Eh, I don’t think he looks that creepy… I know, I don’t have the best taste in men, but still, I think I might really like him… Okay, I’ll call you later, I promise… No, I won’t go anywhere with him alone. Yeesh, you’re worse than my mom!” She looked up from her phone and smiled as I approached. She looked genuinely happy to see me. “Oh, I think that’s him. I gotta go… Yeah, okay! Talk to you later… Bye!”

I took my time with my last few steps toward her table and made sure she saw the pleased look in my eyes as I looked her up and down. “Did I interrupt something important?” I kept my voice low enough that she had to lean in to hear me over the loud music.

“No, that was just my friend. You remember the one from last night? She worries about me too much.” Her face flushed a little; it was barely visible in the dive bar’s lighting. I made a good choice with this one.

“Uh huh,” of course I remembered the missing red head, “What does she have to worry about?” As far as she knew I was just a guy picking her up for some fun.

She smiled again and flipped a stray piece of blond hair out of her eyes, “She’s got this idea that you may not be the best choice for me.” I could tell from the expression on her face she didn’t feel the same way.

“Really? Like how?” That same piece of hair slipped back over her left eye, and I reached up and slid it behind her ear. Her hair was soft, really soft. Good, I didn’t like it when girls used too much goop in their hair. Once it got wet, it was impossible to keep it from looking crunchy.

“Well, to be honest, you kinda creeped her out last night. She’s really into clean cut guys, anyway.” She didn’t pull back from my touch, but leaned in a little closer. This was going to be fun, I could tell already.

“Huh,” I leaned forward and inhaled deeply, “and what are you into?” She smelled delicious, like summer, clean and fresh with a little hint of floral.

“I, um, don’t like being bored.” She reached out and traced the muscles on my forearm with her finger, starting at my wrist and following it all the way up to the bottom of my t-shirt’s sleeve.

I tried not to show how thrilled I was with the direction this meeting was taking, “You think I’m boring?”

She slowly slid her finger back down to my hand, “I haven’t seen anything boring yet.” The corners of her perfectly formed lips curled upward.

“I could say the same thing about you.” I twisted my fingers through hers and lifted her hand above her head while using my other hand to guide her in a slow spin. Yes, she looked very nice, that black dress hugged her curves in just the right places.

She blushed a little with another sly smile, “What, this old dress? I’ve had it forever.”

“You wear it well.” I slid my raised hand down her arm and ribcage until it rested on her hip. She didn’t seem to mind as I pulled her closer to me.

“Thanks.” She reached behind me and hooked her thumb in my back pocket. “Those jeans don’t look terrible on you either.” With a sly grin, she leaned back to check out my backside.

“You want a drink?” I knew I could use something strong, but I wondered how well she could hold her liquor.

She was staring straight into my eyes and without blinking when she answered, “Sure, whatever you’re having is fine.”

“Are you sure you can handle it?” One corner of my mouth automatically pulled up; I guess I was going to find out.

“I’m a big girl, bring it on.” She curled her free hand toward her giving me the ‘come here’ sign.

“Okay, be right back.” I freed her hand from my pocket and walked toward the bar. The bartender looked up impressed that I had managed to not get slapped so far. Apparently I didn’t look like her type.

“Can I get two Jacks on the rocks?” I laid some cash on the bar. Cash is always best when you would rather not have anyone know where you’ve been. He nodded and slid two drinks my way.

When I turned around, she was back on that damned cell phone, “Oh for Pete’s sake, he hasn’t even gotten back with my drink yet…” I kept back far enough to eavesdrop on her conversation without her being aware that I was listening, “Yes, I’m watching him to make sure he’s not putting anything in it… You know, if you were this worried, you could have come too… I’m fine, really. I gotta go, he’s coming back… Yes, I’ll call you! Bye!” She snapped her phone shut and rolled her eyes at me.

I set her drink down in front of her, “Your drink. Was that your friend again?” I tried to pretend like I hadn’t heard her side of the conversation. I couldn’t tell if she noticed, but it didn’t look like she cared much either way.

“Thanks,” she took a wary sip of her drink, “and yes.” I raised my glass and she took a longer swig with me this time. I was impressed; most girls that looked like her couldn’t drink Jack Daniel’s straight without a visible reaction.

“She must really not like me.” I was staring at her lips while the tip of her tongue slid across her bottom lip to lick away a stray drop of liquid. This was going to be too easy; I didn’t know how much longer I could wait.

“Whatever, I don’t really care that much what she thinks.” The look in her eyes told me that she liked me enough to ignore what her friend said.

“That much? But you do care a little.” I wasn’t sure exactly what she had promised her friend, but I knew I didn’t want her friend to come looking for her anytime soon. Of course, if she wanted to join in the fun that could be arranged.

“Enough that I wish she’d stop calling every few minutes.” Her face twisted in annoyance, which pleased me.

“You don’t like talking to your friends?” I ran my fingers over her cell phone, which was still sitting on the table.

Smiling again, she slid the phone out of my reach and into her purse, “Right now, I can think of better things to be doing.” I wasn’t fast enough to pull it off this time, but I would have to get that phone away from her before long.

“Like what?” I leaned toward her neck and took another deep breath. She smelled so good, that I involuntarily let out a little moan.

She gently pushed my shoulder back so she could look in my eyes. Oops, I went too far. “I would love to hear all about you and what you like to do.”

“There’s really not that much to tell.” I slid my hand around her waist and pulled her closer to me. “I paint when I want to, sleep when I want to, and eat when I’m hungry.” And right now I wanted more liquor in her. I raised my glass to drain it and motioned for her to do the same.

She finished her drink and made a little coughing noise. “You paint, like pictures? What do you paint pictures of?” She tilted her head to the side slightly; it reminded me of a little puppy trying to figure out something new.

“Yeah, pictures. You want another one?” Without giving her enough time to respond, I raised my empty glass to the waitress, who brought us another round. I took another swig, “Mostly still lifes, abstract stuff.” Giving into the urge, I reached up and touched her hair again. I couldn’t help but imagine what it would look like when she posed for me. I hoped that the hunger I felt wasn’t showing in my eyes.

“So that’s how you make your money, selling paintings?” She gave me an odd look; maybe I came on too strong, or maybe the Jack Daniel’s was kicking in.

“I do have other ways to supplement my income,” I pulled back slightly. I didn’t want to scare her off. All my plans for tonight included her.

She slipped her thumb into my back pocket again and smiled slightly with one of her eyebrows raised. “Like what?”

So I wasn’t coming on too strong, good. “Nah, let’s talk about you.” It was slightly unsettling how easy talking to her was. I didn’t want to share too much, keeping my guard up was important.

“What would you like to know? There’s really not that much to tell.” She smiled again, this time with her eyes half closed. She was definitely feeling her liquor now.

I rattled off a list of questions in my head, but quickly eliminated all but one, “What do you do?”

“Write mostly, I’m freelance, so anything’s up for grabs.” She winked. Did she just grab my butt? I think she did; this could get interesting.

“Does this mean I’m being interviewed right now?” I should probably be more careful.

“Not unless you want to be.” She leaned forward to whisper in my ear, “Or we could keep it off the record.”

“I’d like that. Off the record.” This was getting hard to handle; I had to get her out of here soon.

“Okay. What do you have to tell me off the record?” I could feel her warm breath on my neck. There was no way I could wait any longer.

“Not yet, first you finish your drink.” I lifted my glass and drained it. “Then we find someplace a little more private.” I watched her face carefully for any sign of reluctance.

She didn’t show any reluctance, “Now see, that is exactly what my friend thinks is a bad idea.” Instead she picked up her glass and emptied it too.

“And do you think it’s a bad idea?” I grabbed her elbow and turned her body toward the door.

There was no resistance when she replied, “I can think of worse things to do.”

How ironic, I thought, so can I. “It’s still early.” I started leading her out the door.

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Thursday, August 28, 2008

My SuperMom wears go-go boots.

Ladies and Gentleman, meet SuperMom! Via Bent Objects' Twitter I found this nifty little toy on Marvel's website where you can make your own superhero. I think she turned out great. Little does the general public know that her alter ego is little old me...

Let me give you a quick run-down of her super powers. We'll start at the top. She has super hair, people. Her hair is indestructible and dries in perfect shape instantaneously upon her exiting the shower. She never needs to worry about a blow dryer, flat iron, or curling iron. It also repels various fluids, such as baby vomit and bird poo.

Those glasses may look normal, but they are a homing device for lost toys, blankets, pacifiers and even children. They can also see through children to verify if indeed that child did shove a Lego up their nose or how many batteries they've swallowed.

The black shirt is useful for camouflaging dirt and debris and the skirt, well, if your legs looked like that wouldn't you be wearing a mini every chance you got? She doesn't grow hair on her legs or armpits either- no shaving or waxing! The jacket makes her look professional at PTA meetings and keeps guys from staring at her fabulous rack. It doesn't always work, with the guys that is. She's president of the PTA.

She's got wings not only because she's an angel, but because she has to fly from one child's function to the next and cannot be held back by petty things like traffic. They also make a pretty efficient duster.

Why the torch, you ask? Well, how else are you going to find your SuperMinivan at 2am in the SuperWalmart parking lot when you've run out to pick up that special item needed for a project due the next day at school? It also makes a delicious roast within minutes, no need to defrost.

The shoes? They were the best choice for her outfit. Go-go boots, looked a little, well... SuperDad would've liked them a little too much let's just say.

Got any other super powers you think she should have? By all means, make your own here. It's fun!

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Monday, August 25, 2008

Can Johnny come out and play?

I saw this play along on Adventures in Babywearing (who is almost ready to pop out baby #4), and I thought it would be fun to share. Plus, I'm kind of wanting another one, and I'm hoping that reminiscing will help because I really do not need another monster running around!

Preggy Facts:

1. Who did you first inform about your pregnancy and how?
With Bubby (9), Monkey (6), and Sissy (4), I told Hubby, but with Monster (2) I actually told my co-worker because I took the test at my job. Then I called my sister-in-law because I didn't think Hubby would believe me, but he might have believed her. I think he started laughing when she told him.

2. Maximum weight?
I never gained more than 30 pounds, and my largest baby was just over 7 pounds. All the boys had really big heads, though.

3. Cravings?
With Bubby, I craved everything, but the strangest was potting soil (it looked really yummy!). Monkey was my Sour Patch Kid/Taco Bell baby, Sissy was my salad/loaded baked potato baby, and Monster was my white cheddar popcorn baby. I vaguely remember a crying fit because Hubby wouldn't wake up at 2am to go buy me some.

4. Aversions?
The smell of onions and garlic cooking and the smell of beer with all of them. Of course, we lived above a family from Mexico during two of my pregnancies. Dinner time was not fun!

5. Morning Sickness?
Yes for all! I got down to one hundred pounds with my first- very scary! I switched doctors for the other pregnancies and discovered they had drugs you could take. Why my first OB/Gyn didn't give them to me, I'll never know. With Monkey, I got food poisoning and couldn't eat for three days, but still managed to keep my weight up.

D Day Facts:

1. Number of Kids/Deliveries?
Four kids/Deliveries

2. NSD or CS?
Three NSD (only one with epidural) and my last was CS. Monster was sideways; the doctor turned him, but he flipped back around like the monster he is! The nurses felt sorry for me and gave me the suite with the big bed and extra room even though I hadn't reserved it ahead of time.

3. Girl or Boy?
Two boys, a girl, and a boy in that order.

4. AOG (age of gestation) on Birth?
All 38 weeks except Sissy was 38 weeks and one day (She had to be born on Monkey's birthday. She still likes to hog the spotlight.)

5. How long in labor?
My longest was 2 hours and 15 minutes for Monkey; the epidural slowed me down apparently. Sissy was the longest and skinniest and she shot right out with one push and only an hour and a half's worth of labor. Bubby was an hour and 45 minutes. I kept track because my sister and I had a competition going. I won! I should say though, that I carried really low, always started dilating by at least 30 weeks, and was usually ready to go by 37 weeks. My last month of pregnancy was always miserable!

Moms Who Played Along:
Mai~Yen~Arlerie~Hailey's Domain~Haley's Beats and Bits~Can of Thoughts~Designs by Vhiel~Anything & Everything Between~Vhiel's Corner~Lourdes' Mia~Pinay Mommy Online~Livy Updater~Adventures in Babywearing~Crafty Mama

If you play along, please copy the above play-alongers and add your blog!

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Saturday, August 23, 2008

Walk for the cure!

One more post for today!

For those of you that don't know, my mother-in-law has PKD (polycystic kidney disease). It's a genetic disease that causes cysts to grow in the kidneys and leads to kidney failure. She has gotten a transplant, but dialysis is still part of the treatment.

Fortunately she's well enough to participate in the Orlando Walk for PKD, and could use some support. If you can't walk with her, please consider donating via their website. She would also appreciate any prayers as well. My family will definitely be supporting her as she walks for her future and ours.

This is in her words a brief description of her battle with PKD:
I was diagnosed with PKD in 1999,after years of high blood pressure. My brother was diagnosed the same year. And my older half-sister also has PKD. This is the legacy that my Grandfather Crenshaw left his family--PKD. Although we sibilings all have PKD, we differ greatly in the way it has affected our health. I have had the most difficult time. I'm on dialysis, and I've already had one kidney transplant.
But, although the physical effects of PKD can be difficult, God has blessed me with so many insights and so much grace during the last nine years. He has shown me that surrendering my control of my life is the way to peace and acceptance of a difficult situation. He has allowed for the technology to keep me alive and fairly healthy. He has guided my doctors as they care for me. And He has given me peace about my disease.
Now I want to be an advocate for PKD research. My children and grandchildren are all at risk for PKD. If a parent has PKD, each of her children has a 50/50 chance of having the disease. I want a cure before my dear ones suffer.
Please help me by supporting me in the 2008 Walk for the Cure. I appreciate any donations, and I especially cherish your prayers for me.

Please be a help for those who need it!

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Reflect-O Billy strikes again!

I'm an idiot. I never claimed to be incredibly intelligent, but right now I'm admitting my idiocy to the interwebs. Hubby and I went to see Smashing Pumpkins last night. Totally rocking band, free tickets, there was no way that a little thing like rain was going to stop us. Rain? Tropical Storms? HA! Bring it on! However, I should mention that we don't own an umbrella. Yes, we live in Florida and do not own an umbrella. My mother owns about five and it's just her and my brother, but my family of six does not have one umbrella among us. Really, it's just not practical to carry a little one and a huge umbrella, and children tend to break them or poke each other in the eye while carrying them, so we have phased out all umbrellas. It's just easier to stay inside or make a mad dash for it. Okay, so that being said, here's a shot of the line outside Hard Rock Live last night:

Notice, we were not the only morons without an umbrella, and with the way the rain was blowing, everyone got soaked whether they had an umbrella or not. And when I say soaked, I mean SOAKED! While waiting in the rain, an employee came down the line passing out our tickets and said, "Keep them dry!" Well, I put it in the driest place I could think of, my bra, and this is what our tickets looked like when we got to the door:

I could wring water out of my panties and bra after we got home. My jeans weighed twenty pounds. It was freakin' awesome!

So, the show... I think I'm getting old. Standing on the floor for three hours packed in like sardines no longer has any appeal to me. Or maybe it was the fact that excessive movement was causing chafing against my wet jeans. If we had seats (or had not been soaked), I would have been in heaven though, even with the twenty pound wet jeans.

Billy had on a skirt, nothing new, but his skirt was covered in what looked like three by five inch pieces of aluminum flashing that were arranged shingle style. It was fairly long (down to his ankles), but he did have the sense to put a slit in the back. I'm not really sure what he was wearing underneath. What would Tim Gunn suggest? Tights, skinny jeans, or just go commando? He had on a tight shiny silver long sleeved shirt with cargo pockets over each, um, man boob? Sorry, I'm not really sure how else to put that. So with his shiny head, and all the reflective clothes, he was like a giant disco ball throwing the club lights everywhere. Needless to say, I could not get a decent picture, but enjoy this shaky video of him playing 'Tonight, Tonight'....

The bass player had on a really cute, really short little red dress with a tutu skirt and black rubbery-looking legging/pants. I really want her dress, but I would need her thighs, too. Everyone else was dressed normally. I think I may have to make Hubby a skirt like Billy's. I have some aluminum tape that I could double over. It would be a total Project Runway challenge.

We ended up leaving before the end, because my poor skin and feet couldn't handle the wetness and standing anymore, but we did get to hear all my favorite songs and their version of 'Cat Scratch Fever'. It was still a great show even if we didn't make it to the end.

Oh, and the lake across the street from our house was overflowing into the street, so we got to drive through that in complete darkness which was fun. Maybe a canoe would be a better purchase idea than an umbrella. At least it would be more difficult for the children to destroy.

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Friday, August 22, 2008

Cliche weather post ahead...

I'm just about over this Florida thing. No, I'm not moving, but I'm getting really tired of it. Well, maybe not Florida so much, just the weather. Yes, I'm gonna whine, brace yourself, and it kills me to do this because talking about bad weather is so cliche.

So this weather thing is getting annoying, really fast. I can deal with the rain. Rain is not bad; it makes everything green. I like to take naps when it's raining. We even have sunshine during the rain, so it's not particularly depressing. What I can't deal with is the idiotic way people deal with the rain. Yes, we have hurricanes, tropical storms, tornadoes, etc. Yes, it can get scary. Yes, you should probably get some sort of survival kit together. No, you should not interrupt my television escape from being shut inside a house with four kids to show me pictures of something that I can see if I look out my window. If I wanted to know exactly how fast the storm is rotating, where it is headed or any other minute detail, I will call Hubby who has the Weather Channel beamed directly into his skull. Do not take away the distractions I have to provide my children and myself to make it through the day.

Also, people have to eat, I understand that. My family needs to eat on a regular basis, three times a day as a matter of fact. However, it's difficult to provide them with that food when grocery shopping must be timed with avoiding the masses fighting over bottled water in supermarket aisles.

So, school was out Tuesday and Wednesday, but it was no worse than a normal rain shower. I don't even think I heard thunder. Thursday, when I got to school it was terrible. We lost power, and almost had to rent a canoe for the trip home. No school today, I'm predicting the weather will be just bad enough so I can't send the kids outside until just before Hubby and I leave to go see the Smashing Pumpkins. Then the sky will open up. Maybe I should start my own Weather Channel.

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